how not to teach science

We're going on a fieldtrip to Shelburne Farms tomorrow. It's absolutely one of my favorite places in Vermont.
We're supposed to do a lesson on pond life. With the lake flooded this year, the access road is closed and our location has changed. Hopefully they will find a last minute pond for us. With the weather we're having, we might just get caught in a downpour.
I'm not worried about either of those things. The educators from Shelburne Farms but on such phenomenal field trips. Last year with a group we hauled woodchips, made and drank fresh pressed apple cider and climbed the century old stairs to the clock tower with views of mountain beyond mountains.
It's a stunning breath of fresh air (with a hint of manure and chicken stank mixed it... which might make it EXTRA fresh).
So to prepare my kids for the glory that is SF, in all my science teaching glory, I popped in a some videos. Oh, and we're reading Charlotte's Web. Get it? Farmy.
I was elated to find a video in my local public library called "Farm Stories for Families" that featured Shelburne Farms. How awesome! Teacher of the Year!! The picture on the front was of cows, the description was of a man telling farm stories FOR FAMILIES. No less.
Well, it might have well been The Logger popping up on the screen. In his underwear. I mean, it was so bad. And bad, like inappropriate. And inappropriate like, it was a comedian (of sorts) in front of a room of people (families?) in a room of a barn at Shelburne Farms telling jokey stories.
And wouldn't the first story be about a boy who wanted to pee. His name. Outside.
I touched my forehead.
There was a bead of sweat.
The stories continued.
So did the sweat.

I gave it the old college try and fast forwarded to the ANIMAL part (is that too much to ask?).
Someone was milking a cow. I think they were showing the udders being rubbed in slow motion.
They might as well have been.
It was SO bad. 

"So raise your hand if you've ever milked a cow"
I tried to salvage some semblance of farm-life.

And with that... we are off to the farm.
Here's hoping the video is long forgotten by my little cherubs.
And if not? Well, I can always pull a Chris and shove them in some cow dung.

(Madds at Shelburne Farms circa 2009. Petting(?) a little lamby)