Keeper of my gate.

The other day the kids played in the yard while I walked in and out of the house with boxes.

To the car and back again. The process was smooth and I didn't mind it one bit since the weather was simply mild and sunny for this time of year.

But when Declan took to the white picket fence gate and held it open for a moment, I realized and was instantly grateful that my life was easier with him as my gate keeper.

Unfortunately, neither his attention span nor doorman etiquette lasted more than two trips through the passageway. So, before I lost him completely, I asked him if he could find something to hold the gate open for me and continued on to fetch my next box.

I walked out to the car a minute later, he was (politely) asking and directing Nonie to sit in the spot by his foot on the driveway, with her back propping the gate open. She clearly had no idea what was going on but followed his directions with wide-eyed excitement because her big brother was paying attention to her.

Then, in his sing-song voice - the voice he uses only occasionally when he talks to his baby sister as if he were her parent - he said:

There, now be a good little girl and make sure Mommy's gate doesn't close on her.

And she did.

And for the rest of my lugging of boxes I thought of only this:

Might my children be the gatekeepers of my life?

When I am with them it seems like my opportunities abound, my goals are clear and reachable, and when I need it the very most - my gate is always held open with an encouraging smile.

It Takes A Moment in a Mid-Town Hospital

There has been a lot that has made me cry in the last few days.

Not the least of which is a short visit to a Mid-Town Manhattan Hospital to see dad

recovering.

It takes about a minute (and not much more than that) in the waiting room of an NYC hospital to put your life into perspective. I'm talking about really big, eye-opening perspective. And also, changing my perspective to see simple, little things differently. Like Dec's lego men as he sees them. In his mind, his lego men are larger and more powerful than they are in my mind.

On Sunday, I had my own gentle reminder that if we were all to throw our most dreadful problems into a large pot, we'd quickly scoop our own problems back out after taking a silent glance at the problems that our neighbors had thrown in.

Sunday, and some days, it all comes down to perspective:

Like that picture up there. It is a proud mother (I know this because she is me). But when I look at that picture, all I see is the smiling 7-year old who took it. She might just be President of the United States of America some day and, won't that just be amazing. Or, she'll be an owner of a deli that serves the most delicious cider donuts you've ever tasted. Either way, I'll love her to the moon and back.

And this picture?

He begged for that helmet kiss. He did! (despite what his shoulders might try to tell you).

And this pic below? This is not a jealous 6-year old, blocking his 3-year-old sister's spotlight. It is a proud older brother saying:

BOOYAH SIS! NICE SKIING!!!!!

I can't wait to ski the trees with you!

Oh, and in there somewhere you might just spot one cute dad in the background. Yup, my hubs works OVERTIME teaching his beautiful children about "perspective" and seeing the world from more than one view.

And this guy?

He's not just a nutty Giants fan.

He's a nutty Giants fan in my winter coat.

And that is something special.

Booyah.

AND THIS? It is NOT a snowy day mess.

It is snowy day brilliance.

And this pajama dancer below, she may appear self-sufficient,

confident,

and full of independence.....

But she still needs her Mommy.

There is one person in this world who she trusts to tie her ballet slippers.

And that lucky person is me. And I savor each tie.

Boy do I.

And this pic below? This is not just "cooking a chicken with Nonie one afternoon...."

(first of all, we cooked two - one was for leftovers...)

This was actually an afternoon of listening to her ask me "will the chicken bite me?", each time she brought the salt and pepper close to the chicken's soft flesh.

And in this skiing pic? Nonie is actually saying GO FASTER MOM!!!! (despite what you might think, given that temps were 100 below outside)

See this kid below? When he gets off the school bus, he's actually NOT an "I Have a Headache Today and All I Really Want To Do is Lie Down along" 6-year old. He is (second to me) the most snuggliest cuddle bug in our whole family. This kid needs a hug. Most minutes of most days, he needs a hug.

This child could sit on my lap for decades (especially while looking out the back window at the forest and in the early morning , with a cup of Earl Grey tea in his hands).

And I love him. Tea Cup and all.

Boy Do I Love Him.

And this picture - a family of four happy snowmen?

This isn't three happy snowmen with one crazy-haired snowman (second from left) melting in a mid-January thaw.

Rather, it is three happy snowmen surrounding one awe-inspired, lucky as lucky gets, super-grateful woman who feels like - even if she melted into the ground tomorrow, she's been blessed with the best of the best.

It Takes A Moment in a Mid-Town Hospital to realize that

life is far to short to take this serious world too seriously.

It Takes Just a fleeting second in a Mid-Town Hospital to confirm that

I'm blessed with the best, in more ways than one.

To "Papa", to my Dad,

Thanks for accepting the spice drops

I brought to you this evening with the grace of Sweet Toothed Man.

I love you for that.

And for so much more.

Thinking 'Bout Getting Older.

There are far too many thoughts whizzing through my mind to write a clear, and coherent post.
This would explain why you haven't heard from me much in the past few days/weeks. What an insanely busy 6 weeks.

I keep saying to people "life seems to be in fast-forward". My neighbor, she drives by while I scoop the mail up, my friends in town - while our grocery carts eek by each other in the pasta aisle, my not-yet-friends in the parking lot of Nonie's preschool.... they all hear my same phrase - "life seems to be in fast-forward".

And it does. Life seems to be moving in fast-forward. The bags under my eyes and my gray hairs are having trouble keeping up.

Can't believe we're halfway through October and moving full steam ahead into November.
Wait. What?!

I'm thinking about getting older. I'm thinking 'bout it a lot.

During these weeks, and days, when I keep saying to myself:

Slow Down.
Look Around.

Your Children Are SO YOUNG.
And Full of FUN. And they WANT to be with YOU.


So, in full awareness of the "getting older" mindset - the other day,

I said to the hubs - let's take the children for a bowl of soup at our favorite spot....
and then to the Res for pictures.


And then to the res for pictures. A photo shoot -

So that we won't forget this day.

This day when I'm thinking 'bout getting older.


***

So, when we got there the children laughed and ran and played about -
as they always do.




And when they got tired we (me and the hubs) taught them all about echos.

You know the echos that come from the sounds we cry out from the depths of our timid souls especially when we think about getting older???

The sounds we hear reflected back at the most unassuming and unexpected times.

-those echos. We had an impromptu field lesson about them.

First it was funny to get the children to scream as loud as they could.

Then,

we each took a turn - howling to the wild blue yonder and carefully listening to each echo as it returned from the distant valley.


That night,

I howled. And howled and howled.

My echo responded. And responded and responded.

And when the howling was done,

In my mind, in my heart, and in my soul...

I never did feel quite so young.

Do Your Best.

Back in September this was the theme we introduced for the kids' 2010-2011 school year.
And I promised to reveal this great theme in my post here.
But then I didn't deliver on that promise. Until today.

Today I read this sign, carved by the hubs and hanging in a prominent locale in our kitchen.
I must scurry by it a gazillion times a day.
But today I paused, spun on my heels and read it.
Seconds passed on the clock as the words sunk in.

"Do your best".
(I can do that)

It doesn't say "Do it all"
(Which is good, cause I can't do that)

I carried on and realized quickly that I'd accepted these three words as my theme for today.
And actually, after mulling it over in the shower this afternoon,
I've decided to ride this theme straight into the New Year...

'Cause I can do that.

In The Shadow of Cowboys.

The other day (the night before I was to spend two days shuttling myself back and forth to hartford for a national convention of "tree huggers", I had an idea:

It was as clear as a neon sign against a black sky, and it flashed the words:

"2-DAY SPA"

What's that you say?

"2-DAY SPA"

You see, with childcare assembled for a solid 48-hour block, the idea of jetting off to a two-day spa danced in my mind and tricked the corners of my mouth to rise slightly. Slightly Mischievously, I might add.

Do It!! Just do it. You never do crazy things like that.

For a few moments (of bliss) I could just feel the white robe on my skin and the cushioned slippers soothing my 13.1-miled-feet. And, I could hear the distinct trickle of water over silky rocks and I could just welcome the warmth transferring to my hands as they wrapped around a cup of herbal tea.

"2-DAY SPA"

Did I do it?

Of course not.

(You Loser)

I did what I was supposed to do. I left my children, my husband and all homely responsibilities and...

Drove to Hartford.

And back from Hartford.

And drove to Hartford. Again.

And back from Hartford. Again.

And for most of the conference I thought:

What am I doing

• With my career?
• With my calling in life?
• With my interests in protecting the environment?
• With my talents?
• My time?

But then, in the very last workshop on the very last day I found myself in the shadow of two cowboys.

When they entered the room with big dusty hats and big dirty shoes, I knew some spark was going to fly.

It was an hour and a half into the workshop when one of them stood to speak. He spoke of family histories being embedded in the very ranches we're talking about saving. He spoke of love for the land and love for these lifestyles as the most important and effective conservation tool. He spoke about respect.

While he spoke, stunning photographs flashed on the big screen: of canyon lands, mountain regions, kids Dec & Nonie's ages standing in vast prairies with cowboy hats on checking out the endless landscapes with their grandparents off in the distance.

I was captivated, inspired, humbled and motivated.

How different he is from me (I kept thinking)!

Oh my word! How similar we both are!
(I kept thinking)!

In the shadow of these cowboys I found perspective on the world around me and my role in it.
I saw more clearly where I am going and how best to be an inspiration to others in the face of the adversity I am certain to find along the way.

In the shadow of cowboys
I concluded my "2-DAY NON-SPA" and rejoiced in the rejuvenation that came from them.

The Other Side of Awesome.

Nonie's favorite book right now is the Big Red Barn.

She chooses it always as one of her bedtime treasures.

Tonight was no different.

She cluched it along with Brown Bear, Brown Bear and hopped on into bed.

Emah actually turned me on to this book - I never appreciated before she exclaimed,

"it has every farm animal in it - Xave loves it - of course, Nonie will love it - read it to her.."

So out of the goodwill pile it came and I read it.

It is pretty awesome.

Tonight though, when I asked sweet Nonie what each animal says her response surprised me.

Instead of Moo, Quack, Neigh, Baa - I got "No Nos" "No Nos" "No Nos".

For those who aren't down with her lingo, "No Nos" is her name.

Or at least according to Xave and her.

Here we go: What does the cow say? "No Nos" Really? What does the pig say? "No Nos!"

Each animal. They all were reading from the same script. Apparently.

When the book was finished I tucked her in and asked her the million dollar question.

Nonie, what does the other side of awesome look like?

And she pointed to her heart.

Back in the Day

So much talk about snow coming and storms brewing lately. This winter has kept so many glued to the TV. The weather becomes the news about once every two weeks. When will the first flake fall? How many inches will we get? Snowdrifts and black ice... Snow days and cars off the road - oh my.

Standing in the pitch black forest up in Stowe one night last week (while waiting for the dogs to do their thing) the wind blew through the brittle winter trees. It was a beautiful sound. The dogs crunched through the snow. My slow heavy breathing grew slower and heavier.

It was a peaceful moment and all I could think about was back in the day.

Long before hype overshadowed a snowstorm, and forecasters one-upped each other with predictions and estimates - what did that cold wind blowing and first few drops of snow mean to people? Did they wonder how much would come, or how long the snow would last? Did they look to the threatening clouds and think, I wonder if I have enough milk? Or This is going to be a real pain in the neck to shovel.

Back when there were modest wooden homes nestled deep in the woods, way back to when teepees dotted the horizon...what did a snowstorm bring with it?

I picture people looking up to the sky with a grateful indifference then sauntering back to the coziness of their home wrapped up in layers of fur and sipping steaming cups of tea for days on end.

If you listen to the cold wind blowing, that is what it sounds like it is telling us all to do.

Relax.

Three Grannies

I learned this morning, that Dec has three grannies.

And this is the conversation that lead me there...

Trey has two grannies!

Wow Dec, that is pretty special. You have two grannies also!

(Silence)

No, I don't.

Yes you do.

(More Silence)

No. I have three grannies mom!

(Silence) (This time, from me)

Three grannies huh? Who are your three grannies?

Granny Annie!

Yup.

Granny Tess!

Yup.

And My Emah!

(Silence) (Tear...from my eye)

Auntie Emah is your granny?

Yup!

Why do you think Auntie Emah is your granny?

Because, My Emah loves me like my grannies do!

So there you go Emah - elevated to Grandperson status just like that! With love from Declan.

Now that you earned the honor, try drawing him a family tree!

She who cycles to work.

There is a woman who cycles to work. When I first passed her this summer several thoughts entered my mind:

1. They really make spandex that big?
2. They really make women that big?
3. If anyone should be cycling to work, it is her. Though it looks really painful. And awkward.

Keep in mind this is in an area of our country where pedaling to commute somewhere is practically unheard of. And, she happened to be cycling along the busiest road I travel from my home to work.

Yet she cycles.

I've seen her in the rain.

I've seen her go up hill. R-E-A-L-L-Y slowly.

I've seen her with flashing lights strapped to her back and ankles. Cycling home well after sunset.


Today I pulled up behind a cyclist on my way into work. She looked like a real bicycle commuter. Fit, fast, and confident. And one thought entered my mind:

1. Wow, other women cycle to work too.

And then I realized that it was the same woman as the one I'd seen for several months.

Only she was a smaller version of her old self.

I became really proud for her. And thankful to have watched her succeed.

And I wanted to shout out my window: YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION!!!!

But she pulled ahead at the green light, and cycled under the Merritt Parkway.

And she didn't look back.

Stories not found in books

Went to the vineyard in search of something.

Not sure what that something was.

And I found a 4 year old boy curling up with me in the loft "compartment" asking me to tell him stories that are not found in books.

And I found an ambitious almost 1 year old who can (shockingly) pick her own self up and get where she needs to go. Whenever she wants to go there. Even if it is in the darkness of night.

And I found my motivation to go to the vineyard summed up in the following quote in a magazine I picked up the first night:

"I hope to spend a day on Martha's Vineyard an island which has always seemed remote enough from the world to enable one to get a perspective on what is going on."
Eleanor Roosevelt

And written in the sand on the beach.

And in the smiles of my amazingly wonderful children and their equally wonderful cousin...

And then I knew that I had squeezed every single last drop out of this summer.

And I was happy.