Watching them Grow.

The other day the kids followed me around the house asking the following question,

"what should I do now?"

"what should I do now?"

so much that I thought to myself, "who taught them that?"

At the time, it also seemed like such a bizarre question. I can't really think of a time in the last

decade when I've had the luxury of time - enough time to make me pause and wonder what I should do.

There is always something to do. Always. And by the time I get started with something, another "thing to do" usually catches my eye. Then I begin the new "thing to do" since the old "thing to do" was getting boring. This vicious cycle repeats itself throughout the day until I usually come face to face with the very first "thing to do" I started.

Somedays, that first "thing to do" was re-heating my tea in the microwave and I find the cup of ice-cold tea staring at me when I open the microwave door to heat up some soup for dinner. Oh yeah, I think to myself, I was going to drink tea today.

Other days, that first "thing to do" was gathering the library books & movies to return, and I'm reminded of this task when I'm sneaking into the kid's room hours after they've fallen asleep to quietly fill their drawers - when my hand finds a library book sandwiched between athletic shorts and hello kitty kat underpants. Oh yeah, I think to myself, I put that book in the basket 8 hours ago when I was heading downstairs with the dirty laundry.

And on and on and on.

There is always something to do. For me at least. And, with a house full of toys and heads full of imagination my children should always know what to do. Shouldn't they?

I usually have something horribly boring to suggest like, "brush your teeth/hair/elbows" or maybe "unpack the smooshed banana from your lunchbag". Sometimes I'll remind them of a toy they've forgotten - or hand them the library book I've just found in the fridge. Often though, I'll suggest the obvious, "how 'bout you come here and give the best mom in the world a big smooch!"

But, the other day we were out in the garden and I had tried to help Nonie rake around her strawberry plants. A little spring cleaning. These plants look so promising already, thanks in large part to the summertime temps we've had this March. I was left with little to do, since Nonie insisted on using all the garden tools we had with us (rake, clippers, shovel)... so I sat back on the soft grass, and I watched her work.

Shortly, she deemed the job complete (which it wasn't nearly) and came at me with those same words "Mommy, what should I do now?".

I didn't answer her.

I mean, we were outside on a 70 degree day with a swingset, sandbox, gorgeous rolling backyard and 300 acres of woods waiting at our toes. If she couldn't come up with something to do, I had failed as her mother.

I sat silently looking at the trees and her, from the corner of my eye.

What would she do with nothing to do? I wondered.

She hadn't spent 10 seconds waiting for an answer from me and she'd spun on her heal, walked to her tiny dora the explorer folding chair. She picked it up and carried it to her strawberry patch. The moss colored leaves must have looked promising to her too. Because all that she said (not even to me really but more to herself was), "I think I'll just sit here and watch my strawberries grow".

And I was proud of her because she had found a terribly important job that needed doing. She stepped up to the plate, made sure she'd be comfortable on the job by placing her folding chair just so. And she did it.

She watched the strawberries - and I watched her - grow that day.

The Outlaws Moving In.

Look Carefully.

What do you see?

* picture is incomplete (one very important outlaw is missing but I don't have a pic with all 7, does anyone???!?)

***

The first time I was introduced to the idea of an "Outlaw", I was 16 years old and had just landed at JFK airport after a 14-day dogsledding trip with complete strangers in the middle of nowhere Minnesota (alas - that is a different story for a different day).

Dad and Mom broke the news to me once my gear was loaded into the car.

"Tinker Toy the Family Joy is getting married".

Married?

Cue the tears.

Cue more of my tears.

(I'm pretty sure I cried for 36-months straight.)

For, I had lost my big sister. Lost her Forever.

So it seemed at the time.

It is kind of funny now, but it wasn't at all funny then when the majority of our family cried as T got in the suburban after her wedding in front of our old vineyard house en route to her honey moon in Nantucket.

It is as if our world came to a crashing halt. The joy in our family had been whisked away by someone else.

Who?

Who would do this to me you ask?

An Outlaw.

That's who.

***

Outlaws.

For years I wasn't sure if I loved the fact that Outlaws made our family bigger (funnier, more exciting)....

or simply hated the fact that they took a piece of me (specifically - my childhood) with them when they married off one of my dearly loved siblings. Yes, this is about Me.

Married sibling confirms to the world that I should kiss my dear childhood away - one wedding at a time.

***

Just a few days ago - over Christmas & New Years I spent some time with the Outlaws. The whole slew of them were in VT for the festivities.

After many careful observations of their interactions with my siblings, I realized that (in many cases) the Outlaws do what I'm supposed to do (love my sibling effortlessly & unconditionally and make them feel like they are super-amazing ...and all that good stuff) much better than I do, or ever could dream of doing.

And, as easily as that awkward, run-on sentence up there is to read - admitting that reality about my Outlaws is quite difficult for me to do.

***

On Christmas morning I was sandwiched between my big brother and my sister-in-law as my bro unwrapped his gifts. She sat anxiously on her knees telling me to watch him unwrap his next gift. (Upon writing this all down now I realize that, it probably would have been most appropriate if I hadn't been between them - but that thought didn't enter my mind at the time...Can I get a "third wheel" from the crowd?)

Carrying on:

In a box he uncovered a pair of smartwool socks. Laughing, he explained that he loved these (socks) and this weight wool or something in particular. And I truly think he would have been fine if the gift had ended there. Trust me, this is my brother we're talking about - he's a simpleton.

But, since my sister-in-law knows my brother (much better than I do at this point, gulp), she pointed out to him that the socks had a unique name on the back.

And behold, on the back in the label section, my brother found seat assignments (front row) to his favorite musician who he's always wanted to see live in concert.

(And since you're undoubtedly wondering: No. Sadly, there wasn't a ticket for me on the back of those smartwool socks....which is when I (the Christmas 3rd Wheel) excused myself to fetch a cup of tea.)

But before I left the scene I noted:

He is happy. He is Really happy.

***

I observed the two of them again as I swam with the kids. They sat peacefully in chairs just at the edge of the pool. They spoke not a word but were in each other's presence and they looked so happy.

I floated on my back for a sec, thinking - "wow, my brother married the perfect person".

***

In just a matter of weeks, I get the distinct honor to welcome another Outlaw into my life.

He is brave to marry the baby of this family. Brave, Brave Sir Eric.

And in these days leading up to the wedding, as the excitement builds with each day's passing,

I can't help but think - "wow, my sister has found the perfect person".

***

Brave, Brave Sir Eric will soon join the other Outlaws and

He will become...

One of us.

Are you ready?

***

Even though it will be one more huge step away from my childhood...

The Baby's Marriage to Eric is one giant leap toward knowing that one more of my siblings is in great hands.

Forever.

There is such peace of mind that comes to me with each and every marriage.

***

So I ask you again to

Look Carefully.

What do you see?

Each one a blessing and a welcome addition to our expanding family tree.

P.S. Welcome & thank you Brave, Brave Sir Eric for being The Baby's best friend.

Berrystraw Cakeshort

I love strawberries.
We have some growing and Eric says I can eat them all.
This is because he doesn't think there will be that many
and getting strawberry plants was my idea.
I wonder if that means he plans on eating all the
onions,
beans,
peas,
carrots,
tomatoes,
and peppers.
Because those were his idea.

I better share my strawberries.