be nice... or leave

I need to be nice. I know that. But it's not always easy.
I need to bite my tongue.
And put on a fake smile once in a while.
But it's not always easy.
I need to say "great idea"
or "I'll think about it".
But it's so hard.
So hard to have opinions these days.
And keep them to myself?
I am so bad at that.
Because I know it will just stew inside me.
And I'll marinate in negative emotion.
Then I'll bubble.
And you know what happens to bubbles?
They pop.
I got sick of popping a little while ago.
But I never used to be this way.
I was QUEEN of the smile and nod.
But I am changing.
And perhaps at the occasional expense of others-
I think I like it.

Even if Santa is watching.

Can you tell I had a weekend at the outlaw's?
Three months before the wedding?

Can you?

Hugs to MY people. My sweet, let-me-be-myself, people. 

10 Giving Thanks.

When there are 10 giving thanks at the homestead on thanksgiving...

T's pumpkin snowman looks to the drive and wonders where all the cars are.

And when we gather round the fire, we're all close enough to feel some of the warmth.

The cousins are controllable, quiet even -

And there is no Marky standing guard over the turkey plate.

And "who's missing?!? something's missing..." rattles in our heads... Our hearts.

And there is elbow room at the table, with conversations that are audible.

With just 10, there is room in the dishwasher for dessert AND dinner plates.

I can't recall the last time that has happened.

The dogs don't dodge oil splatters back by the pool, and they miss hanging with the boys amidst the fried turkey excitement/chaos.

There is no mention of hat parties - no pinatas are hung. But a few times, people do comment on how "small the group is this year...".

There was no line at the buffet!

In fact, the three cousins present ate dessert in the shadows of photos - pics of the missing four cousins.

There's the turkey plate Marky - see? No one dropped it.

When it is just 10 of us giving thanks together at thanksgiving,

the food tastes delicious, of course,

but none of us can shake the fact that

2/3 of the clan is missing.

And 2/3 of the clan is missed.

tricks

It is nice to have a minute to catch a breath.
I haven't had a minute to catch my breath in days.
Weeks?
No. Maybe two months.
Even weekends have been filled to the brim.

Drakey wagged his tail all morning, through his unusual mid-week daylight in the morning run, and gave me a dirty look when I went to get dressed.
He is smart,
I think as I walk to the pet store to buy him some bling.

I strike up a conversation with the owner of the store.
You should bring him in! She says.
I go on to tell her that while he does have a tendency to eat other dogs,
he is smart.

In my head I am thinking... because he doesn't pee in the house while I'm at work.
And he knows the difference between a weekend and a weekday morning.
Oh, and he can sit, and lie down, and stuff.

She tells me about her customer who has a golden,
who can read.
The dog can read.

I go home with a new enormous rope-and-ball contraption, and my head hung low.
Some genius I've got.

And then, he surprises me again.

He has taught his turtle to sit.

I breathe a sigh of relief.
He is smart.

Sunday Silhouettes & Big, Salty, Tears.

The biggest melt-down of his life (to date).

Followed by an exchange between two crying kids and one sick-as-a-dog mother.
And for the cherry on top? I cried too. Big salty tears.
Yup, I'm chalking them up to just pure exhaustion.

Sunday afternoon plans threatened to be canceled
(by me, the feverish mom).
Then Sunday afternoon plans most definitely canceled (by me, the feverish mom)
egged on by another tag-teamed tantrum.
Those are the events that lead to our (unscheduled) Sunday respite at the lake just down from Happy House.

And while we were there:
1. The kids forgot all about me being there.
2. I forgot about their tantrums. (Not quite as easily or as quickly as the kids forgot all about me being there - but I did my best to let it all go in a balloon - is that what we say sisters? I'm new to this balloon lingo)


3. My blessings became as clear to me as two beautiful silhouettes against a fading sun.

(oh, and Dec grew a halo and I spiked an even higher fever).
The End.

First Came Una.

In the order of things: First Came Una.

She arrived in a wrinkled bag with wrinkled tissue and looked like she'd been that way since she was packed up in Ireland. She made us laugh when we first saw her because at the time, Una's recipient (Dec) was a 2 month old boy of a boy.

So, when we unwrapped Una, her pinkness was somewhat shocking. It was the first pink present he'd received. But it came from Auntie Una, with love from Ireland. So this pink bear soon became Dec's crib mate. Una, the bear, is quite like the real-life Una (the dear Auntie). She's ever-present in this house (as the real Una is in our hearts and minds), she's so squeezable and lovable. The real Una can give quite a lovely bear hug too. But mostly Una is comforting to be around. Una helps us relax - just like the real one.

Next on the scene was Murphy.

His story has a bit more color. Red comes to mind.

He came by way of the Hospital ER when Dec sliced his fingers (almost) off. Once Dec was stitched up and sewn back together, we were handed Murphy. A small white schnauzer.

The hospital had received cartons of Murphys to give to children in the ER from one generous donor who wanted his beloved pet's legacy to continue. Murphy was an easy addition to our family, for Murphy is Dec's middle name. What are those odds?

The last on the scene was Sheila

Sheila was her given name sewn to her bottom. She came from Granny Tess' dear friends who handed the package to Dec while whispering to me "our grand daughters just love these stuffed animals!". When Dec unwrapped her he tossed her aside without even a "thank you" or smile and continued playing with his trucks. Sheila would be a tough sell.

That first day, Sheila didn't come close to winning Dec's attention.

But that tiny white poodle held her own.

***

Sheila was missing.

The other night when I tucked the kids into bed, Sheila was missing.

After an all-out search (with my butt in the air and crammed under beds for most of it) she was found minutes later squeezed behind our globey pillow and a lego tub.

Sheila! You silly doggy!!!

Sheeeeeeeeiiiiiiillllllllaaaaaaa!!!!

Came the happy hugs.

She was placed into her spot between the kids for story time.

***

You see, I'm not a huge fan of stuffed animals.

Unless they are special.

Luckily, these three happen to be.

Murphy. Sheila. Una. - they've absorbed more of my kid's tears, hugs, and spilled bottles of milk than any other things in Happy House.

Since the first few days I met the hubby I'd heard captivating stories of his extended family living in the emerald Isle.

Two Aunties (Sheila Murphy & Una) were among the wonderful people he spoke of with great admiration, fond memories, and laughter.

***

As it happens, the day after Sheila went missing from the children's bed -

Sheila Murphy' died in Ireland.

It felt quite right that we'd lead the all-out search for the missing piece of our incredible fun-loving trio and that she slept that night tucked into Nonie's right arm.

Just as it feels quite right to surround the children with warmth from their relatives who love them from afar.

And from above.

from the horses mouth

i like to get ideas.
from others.
especially ideas about food. and dinner. and stuff that is yummy.
if you tell me something is good, chances are i'll try it.
here are some things i have appreciated recently that were suggestions,

they are good.
from the horses mouth.
(going back to that post from t....again...WHAT IS THAT THING YOU ARE HOLDING?!)


1) spinach pizza roll: baby spinach, mozzerella, pepperoni and ricotta rolled up in pizza dough. yum.
2) keeping in the pizza theme: butternut squash sauteed with onions then add gorgonzola (thanks t)...put it on crusty bread or...roll it up in a pizza roll- delish.
3) coffee from a percolater. i had it at a patient's house and thought for sure she was using gourmet beans. turns out it was chock full o'nuts...super good and HOT.
4) cooking a whole chicken in a crock pot (ok, haven't done it yet but i pretty much ANYTHING that can be cooked in a crock pot and am intrigued- cooking whole anythings is scary)
5) the avett bros- some awesone brother keeps sending me cd's, i am a fan


ok...i'm tapped.
can't think of any other right now but i am tires and just made about 100 turkey cookies.

count your blessings

My days are strange. I find glitter in the radiator vents. I eat my turkey sandwich at 9:30 when my kids go to art. I clean up bloody nose-drippings off the floor.  I laugh it off when my student points to the word "Mass" and says that the last three letters make a bad word. Does your six year old know that? Or have I just done an amazing job teaching phonics?
But today I looked out on my domain and my heart smiled.
I felt it.
There they all sat. Engulfed in their work as I sat with three girls for a reading group.

I know that I am not doing this alone.
I count my blessings.

I come home to a dog wagging his tail to see me. Even though I leave him for maybe a little longer than I should. He's been sitting on the love seat all day. I can see his butt imprint. I set it up all cozy for him (shhh). He's kicked the blanket off - straight to the source. He's sassy. I like that.

I have health and a bit of wealth that is maybe not as monetary as might be nice but it fills me up. It looks like parents and sisters and brothers. In-laws and out. Nieces and nephews.

Spending my day with 6 and 7 year olds help me remember the fundamentals. The really simple things. The pleases and thank you's. Your welcomes and I'm sorry's.  The wants and needs.

I know I have much more than I need.

And I count my blessings.