Hey Sisters....

While I can't think of a better new brother in law....

I must say:

Damn, I miss you all.

What a weekend of bliss....and joy...and everything in between.

Congrats Lils.

But I miss you. And I'd be wrapped in a big lie if I didn't post that tonight.

All my love tonight and always.

Your Name Means Honor

Tomorrow you are TWO.

Two and terrific.

(Not two and terrible.)

Lately you've gone around the house wearing your underpants as your hat.

You pile them on your head and then point to the pants and say:

Nonie's hat.

Did your uncle Chris teach you that?

He was the underpants hat trick expert.

I'd write more to you tonight sweetheart, but I'm just not feeling up to it.

Remember yesterday when we took you to the Bronx Zoo for your birthday.

Then we dined along Arthur Avenue checking out the sites? Fun huh?

Then, remember when you threw up all over me, my hair, and my jean jacket.

Remember throwing up on Mommy just as the waitress walked over with our tray full of dinner?

I remember it.

And now I'm the one throwing up.

On the eve of your 2nd bday, I'm sick as a dog.

But Nonie.

Your name means Honor.

And, since the day you were born, since hearing the first words of the doctor when she saw your tiny body "it's a girl", and since the tears flowed down my cheeks as I held you in my disbelieving arms for the first time...

It has been an Honor to be your Mother.

(Except when you throw up on me).

To my sweet blue-eyed girl on the eve of her terrific Twos!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I have to...

Sidelined.

So Dec's first day is tomorrow.

We had our very, very, very lovely back to school dinner soiree this evening.

Yes, the children wore their crowns. They used the sterling silver and the Wedgewood plates.

More pics to come. I promise. Including the theme for the 2010-2011 school year.

But as I tuck away to bed tonight, it isn't Dec my heart is breaking for

(well it isn't just Dec)

Because it isn't just me he leaves behind tomorrow.

For two years she hasn't taken her eyes off him.

His biggest fan in the world will be there to watch him roll away too.

I wonder who will cry more....

Something Was Missing ~ How I was even ME.

Dear Dec.
On the eve of your 5th bday, you are everywhere I look. You are everywhere I turn. My last few days have been filled with such power, power, powerful emotional MEMORIES of; holding you as a newborn, propping you up when you learned to sit, supporting you as you struggled to walk, cheering for you as you scored your first goal....

....Imagining how I was even ME before you came into my world.


All I could do was cry to the Doc yesterday when he turned during your 5-year-old-check-up- and asked me a simple, "So, how's he doing?....".

Sob.

"I'm just way too emotional right now to even answer that..." and I broke down in tears.

And you went on to prove to the Doc that you are doing just fine.

(Thank you very much).

You read for him. He wrote the following words on the crinkly white examination table paper and you read them one by one: cat, box, dad, the, smart (start).

You skipped for him - across the room - in your skivvies.

You told him about art camp, Vermont camp and summertime on the Vineyard.

And I just sat.

I just sat There.

I just sat There And.

I just sat There And Cried.


My sensitivity may be heightened. But. Everywhere I turn it seems I'm gently reminded of the power of your existence and the impact it has had on my world.

I'm so proud of you for the incredible little guy you are and I'm so incredibly happy/honored/overjoyed that God chose me to guide you through this incredible journey.

***

A few hours ago we returned from a quick jaunt to Auntie Emah's (Impromptu - she's good at that) Pizza Party and I completed a few things for your bday party tomorrow. The party, a "fun run" in Pound Ridge Reservation, modeled after the Leatherman's Loop is YOUR masterpiece. We're all just along for the ride....

I took a look at your bday cake this evening, which I'd decorated earlier while Nonie swung from my legs. The entire time. For the record.

It has Oreos in the middle of it. Your favorite. For the record too.



But something was missing.

So I added to it. Impromptu (I'm not nearly as good as Auntie Emah at the Impromptu stuff. But I'm learning).



And please Dec. Please do consider that addition above an exact replica of what you have done for my soul for the past 5 years.

You are my angel.

My sweet, sweet angel.

And I adore you.

(Or have I said that already?)