safety net

In about 2 months time I am going to be a misses. Missus? Mrs? Let me tell you how I feel about it...
WEIRD!
Also, so excited. And hopeful. Maybe even a bit relieved.
But before I get to many of those emotions there's one thing that I have to get over. This sense of, oh, maybe modesty is the word I'm looking for. Even a bit of independence. Because I can't do it all on my own. I was thinking last night, as I lay in bed focusing all my energy on taking deep breaths, about the times I have really yelled at someone. Or the times I have cried myself to sleep. For whatever reason. Often no reason at all. And I remember being much younger and more naive, I would say, over and over "I am not strong enough for this".
And He listened.
And as I've said time and time over, He's scaled back. Or made me stronger. And I can almost always handle my lot in life. But now I don't have to do it alone.
I don't know if E is my "better" half, but he does help make me better.
So I reward him for that. By opening up a little more of myself. By letting him help a little more. By telling him about ailments and issues and some things in between.
Tonight, as he towered over me in his work boots, I told him about the funny noises and smells my car was making. I felt like a little girl. I felt like he could take care of me.

And he did.
And he does.
And I truly think he always will.