An Emergency Revelation

I know
that the Good Lord only gives you what you can handle.

I know
that you all know that, too.

I know
that 4 years ago when Rosie got sick
and she went to the vet
for her final hours
I should have been there.
But I couldn't be there.
Because I didn't want to see her like that.
I wanted to remember her running, licking, hugging.
I didn't want my last picture of her, in my head,
to be her sick
hurting
dying.

I know
that when I cried my tears into Drake's fur today
they were tears for him
and her.
They were tears that I should have let drop onto her body
so that she knew I was with her
and that I loved her
and that she would always
always
be my girl.

I know
that as I watched my dog today
I thought of what it would have been like to be with Rosie
as she breathed her final breaths
and looked up to the faces of my mom
and sisters to say her sweet goodbye.
Maybe searching for mine.
I thought about her feet on the cold floor
and his.
I thought
please God.
Not again.
Please don't take my dog from me.

I know
that He listened.
And He is kind.
And he will always, only, give me what I can handle.
Even when
I don't know
what that is.

I know
that Drake has been saved
again.
And that I am probably,
after some thought,
not the one who is saving him
at all.