Something Was Missing ~ How I was even ME.

Dear Dec.
On the eve of your 5th bday, you are everywhere I look. You are everywhere I turn. My last few days have been filled with such power, power, powerful emotional MEMORIES of; holding you as a newborn, propping you up when you learned to sit, supporting you as you struggled to walk, cheering for you as you scored your first goal....

....Imagining how I was even ME before you came into my world.


All I could do was cry to the Doc yesterday when he turned during your 5-year-old-check-up- and asked me a simple, "So, how's he doing?....".

Sob.

"I'm just way too emotional right now to even answer that..." and I broke down in tears.

And you went on to prove to the Doc that you are doing just fine.

(Thank you very much).

You read for him. He wrote the following words on the crinkly white examination table paper and you read them one by one: cat, box, dad, the, smart (start).

You skipped for him - across the room - in your skivvies.

You told him about art camp, Vermont camp and summertime on the Vineyard.

And I just sat.

I just sat There.

I just sat There And.

I just sat There And Cried.


My sensitivity may be heightened. But. Everywhere I turn it seems I'm gently reminded of the power of your existence and the impact it has had on my world.

I'm so proud of you for the incredible little guy you are and I'm so incredibly happy/honored/overjoyed that God chose me to guide you through this incredible journey.

***

A few hours ago we returned from a quick jaunt to Auntie Emah's (Impromptu - she's good at that) Pizza Party and I completed a few things for your bday party tomorrow. The party, a "fun run" in Pound Ridge Reservation, modeled after the Leatherman's Loop is YOUR masterpiece. We're all just along for the ride....

I took a look at your bday cake this evening, which I'd decorated earlier while Nonie swung from my legs. The entire time. For the record.

It has Oreos in the middle of it. Your favorite. For the record too.



But something was missing.

So I added to it. Impromptu (I'm not nearly as good as Auntie Emah at the Impromptu stuff. But I'm learning).



And please Dec. Please do consider that addition above an exact replica of what you have done for my soul for the past 5 years.

You are my angel.

My sweet, sweet angel.

And I adore you.

(Or have I said that already?)